Magic Words: Love
The Beatle's sang "All You Need Is Love" but what is love?
If any one word in English has been abused more than any other, I think it would be the word “Love.” Love has been so generally used as a means of insisting that what one is doing is right that it has become a Magic Word. In general, if you claim what you are doing is because of love, then it is assumed you have automatically won the argument.
Previously, we looked at the notion of “Magic Words:” words which have been imbued with a magical-type power to change the course of conversations and even thinking. The postmodern movement argued that words have no intrinsic meaning and are just masks for power. It should not surprise us that those who thought in this way would then start to use words as a means of power and control over thought. I have dubbed the words they use to form discourse to be “Magic Words.” The first Magic Word I looked at was “Gay,” then I looked at “Progress” and “Change,” and then “Phobia,” “Green” and “Tolerance”
What does “love” mean?
At its very root, the English word “love” is inherently ambiguous. Classical Greek is much better on this account as four Greek words can all be translated as “love.” Each of these Greek words focuses on a different type of love: “philos” means brotherly love, or affection and love between equals; “storge” refers to love, or affection, between a superior and a lesser such as master and slave or officer and solider; “eros” refers to romantic love (and is the root of the English word “erotic”; and “agape” is the godly, self-giving love dedicated to the good of the other.[1]
To this variety of meanings, we have added other definitions of “love.” Today one can love inanimate objects, a concept that would be absurd to most people throughout history. As a result, I can now use the same word to describe my feelings towards my wife and towards pizza![2] This confusion of the language may even have something to do with how many today are more attached to possessions than to people.
The sexual revolution of the 1960s invented a new definition of “love” that has greatly shifted views in our culture. What I am talking about is defining “making love” and “love” as the sexual act. In the Middle Ages, and for a long time afterwards, “making love” was a man writing poems and speaking flatteringly of a woman who may or may not have been their spouse but had no physical connotation whatsoever. Then in the 1960s, anti-war protestors insisted we should “make love, not war” which meant having sex rather than fighting in Viet Nam.
Key to this shift has been the influence of popular culture. There has hardly been a rock and roll song since the middle of the 1960s that has spoken of love as anything other than sexual activity. Likewise, movies and TV shows ad nauseum depict people jumping in bed after the slightest mutual attraction.
The hidden power of the word “love” is as an internal and emotive force. Originally, all understandings of “love” were about one’s dedication and devotion to the other. It has generally been understood you could love someone while not particularly liking them.[3] Today, however, the popular understanding of love is as an emotion. The real power of this shift is now love is understood to be an internal thing. Therefore, if I claim to love something or someone, no one else can question it. Just as one’s emotions are internal and cannot be felt or even questioned by others, you cannot refute my claim of love.
Ambiguity as power
The ambiguity of the word “love” causes confusion as well as helps those who want to push their own agendas. This is most clearly seen in the shift of using the term “love” for sex. It was hard for the parents of the 1960s to argue that it is wrong to love someone, because they were thinking about how they loved their spouses, while their children were using the same word to speak of a temporary sexual partner.
Today we hear the slogan “Love is love.” This is meant to argue that all forms of sexual love are inherently equal. The power of this slogan is in the ambiguity in the word love. Love, as properly understood, is a good thing. Christians know we are supposed to love others.
For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Rom 13:9)
Therefore, when we are told we should support love, it sounds good. The problem is that there is a sleight of hand happening here, and the meaning of love is changed on us.
The reality is the meaning of love varies greatly depending on the demographic group. Studies have shown that love within the gay movement is very differently understood than in the wider heterosexual culture. For instance, 78% of homosexual relationships started with the idea of being committed to each other lasted less than three years and only 12% lasted at least five years; one study found none of the couples that lasted over five years was monogamous.[4]
True Love
Most of the modern definitions of love are really poor imitations. More and more young people avoid marriage because the examples of love they have seen are not solid. Love, at its truth is not a feeling, nor a temporary thing. God-like love (agape) is a love that seeks the good of the other. However, true love is not the same as blanket acceptance. If someone is doing the wrong thing, love is to warn them about it. Nobody would say it is unloving of a parent to stop their child from running into a busy street, why, because allowing someone to run into harm is not loving them.
Ultimately, true love is only found in Jesus Christ. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). This must be the core of our understanding of love. Any other definition is, simply put, wrong. We must not be fooled by the misuse of the word “love.”
[1] C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (New York: Harvest Books, 1971).
[2] While this is linguistically true, I assure you that my feelings towards the two are vastly different!
[3] I think it is safe to say that every parent has experienced this at some time.
[4] “Is Homosexuality Healthy?,” n.d., https://exodusglobalalliance.org/ishomosexualityhealthyp60.php.